I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
