I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Randomize
