what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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