I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
