I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
