Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
