you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
