sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
