i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
