Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
