my vag is so smooth its legendary
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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