We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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