Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize