Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
