I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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