Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
