I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
