my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
