We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
