Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
