I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
