I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I deserve this hangover.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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