What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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