It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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