I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
