i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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