Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's rum buckets o'clock
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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