My cat gives me a boner
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Girls should come with a carfax report
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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