Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
