oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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