i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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