i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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