never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
