I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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