my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
