What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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