I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
