i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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