I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
