Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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