ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
