I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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