you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
