Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
