i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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