I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
