Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
