cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
