everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
