there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
