in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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