I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.