anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place