I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just cut my nipple shaving
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?