just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
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I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
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I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.