Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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