I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
