i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
