You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
