hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
