hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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