guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
