Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
