I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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