He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize