As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
