I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
