bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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