fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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