you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
