I'd wear matching sweaters with you
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
