The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Pooping to opera.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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