Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize