life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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