I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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