You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
