I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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