She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He passed out mid-signature
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
