my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
