I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
