You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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