turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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